the way it is

Dreams from my soul

2010-01-21T07:05:00.001-08:00

For a long time now, I have dreamed of writing a short story. The ambition, as most things true about me, has been a vague concept lacking nuance or detail. Sometimes I imagine writing something of a jigsaw puzzle, with pieces strewn around as if in disarray and fantasize about demonstrating a remarkable literary dexterity to bring all the pieces to fit together beautifully into a shattering and shocking climax. The notable thing of course, as the perceptive among you must have noted, is that nowhere in the verbiage above, do I ever suggest that I have even a semblance of an actual idea for the story. That’s the way it has always been. In fact, I would even say that it has been the bane of my existence. To me, the end has always been a very finely etched canvas.

Dreams are what they are; they don’t give you a roadmap. They merely tease you with an end and expect you to find your way there. Well, what if the soul is a weakling! You read about the brave-hearts all the time and you read about the vicious souls and the Machiavelli’s of the world. You also read about people like ‘The catcher in the rye’ but I am yet to come across a literary character that resembles my soul and I am troubled by that. Because when you read these great literary theses and stories, you get an impression that there is this huge swathe of humanity that would identify with the character viscerally. You hope to someday come across something of the kind all for yourself and imagine what it would be like to read about yourself as seen from a stranger’s eyes. Alas, I still wait for my literary savior.

If you get the drift, ergo.

Working in a group of peers!

2009-09-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

In my three years of work experience, I rarely had to work in a group of peers and make collective decision. I know that a lot of tech firms have that kind of culture - especially tech start ups, but the company I worked for, didn't. Anyways, the MBA program has taught me quite a few things about that. The dynamic of working in a democratic group is electrifying to say the least. The funny bit is that, when you tell someone that you are experiencing issues handling the group dynamic productively, nine times out of ten, they will tell you that it stems from a lack of communication. It is funny because excess communication is what drives the paralysis of an MBA study group!

In a tech environment, it is comparatively easier to disagree and, through talk, attempt at a resolution. However, when the bone of contention is something related to liberal arts, or busines, political science and related subject matters, how can you ever come to an agreement? Especially if apart from the physical bodies present at such discussions, there are also these mammoth intangibles such as ego, pride and history! How do you make sure that all engaged party are raising conscientious objections and are therefore willing to bring an open mind. My experience says that you can cry 'Professionalism!' all you want, you rarely get it in reality.

Reading 'The Ascent of Money'

2009-07-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

Niall Ferguson argues in his book, 'The Ascent of Money', that financial services in countries all over the world were disproportionately provided by members of ethnic or religious minorities because, having been excluded from land ownership or public office, these communities thrived in finance, an area that relied on networks of kinship and trust.

Interesting argument. I wonder if this holds true in the Indian context as well. The money lender, 'bania' as the community is generally referred to, very often tends to be this ethnic group of people called 'marwaris'. I am not sure it can be said that, at any point of time in the Indian history, this caste was excluded from land ownership rights... As far as I know and understand, the only caste excluded was the 'dalits' and they were excluded completely from the rest of the social sphere.

Brothers In Arms

2009-03-31T01:49:00.000-07:00

I was watching an episode of 'The West Wing' yesterday on my laptop. This episode titled 'Two Cathedrals' is, in my humble opinion, the finest hour of television I have ever seen. It deals with how a President, a nobel prize winner and a great leader, battling a particular ebb in his career has to make a decision about whether he should run for another term. This leader has had a rough year and there is immense pressure on him from party wonks to declare he wouldn't seek another term.

Towards the end of the episode, the background score is 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits. Although it is one of my all time favorite songs and I would have loved it anyway, I thought the timing was just plainly stupendous. I cannot recall ever getting that eerie sensation of hair rising on the back of my head, while watching any other television show! For that alone, I would rate this episode high.

The story is inspirational. Jed Bartlet's long time teacher and guiding force, Mrs Landigham has died and he has to decide if he wants to run for election again. As he makes up his mind, we are brought to witness the various challenges he faces and you realize that sometimes the biggest challenges lie within yourself. This is a truly inspirational episode and it made me learn certain things about the enduring human spirit. It made me feel that anything is possible, if you want it enough. It made me see how pursuit can be more satisfying than accomplishment itself. Isn't that a testament to the greatness of a piece-de-art if it makes you feel things in a way no other medium ever could?

The Mad Dash

2009-03-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

After I graduated from Standard X, in the summers of 2000, I went to Kotah to pursue the last two years of high school, but mainly to prepare for the JEE. At the time, IIT were merely the best engineering colleges in the country. An entry into one was akin to a passport to the good life. In the years since, aided much by the economic boom that the country has seen, they have transformed into a Valhalla. Naturally, places like Kota have thrived.

While I was in Kharagpur during the years 2002-2006, I came to see what I had missed out on by spending two years in the cauldrons of the Kota coaching experience. Studying at Kota, mind you, doesn't mean you spent two years doing little else than cramming. Contrary to a certain perception, it is not, or rather was not, a place where overbearing professors ram theories and applications into your brains until you've mastered enough to score some points in the JEE. You could think of the coaching experience as akin to going to a really academically driven school and therein lies the rub. What Kota certainly wasn't and still isn't, is a place where you learn anything else.

I am reminiscing about this now because of a news article(http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/IIT-classes-from-Std-VII-6-years-before-test/articleshow/4328947.cms) I read about new programs being launched by the enterprising coaching institutions of Kota wherein, students would be inducted into a coaching program as early as six years before they become eligible to take the entrance tests. I call it enterprising because the coaching institutions have shrewdly capitalized on the yearning in the hearts of guardians these days to see their children in these institutions. It mortifies me because I recall that when I was that young (about 11-12 years old), I didn't even know IITs existed. I didn't know I wanted to go to these colleges and I knew very little of maths and sciences to even know if I was interested in these disciplines! And I changed my mind a lot of times about what I wanted to do! This is a blatant enforcement of parents' aspirations on the kids and I have seen countless examples of how that goes on to destroy a person. This mad dash just terrifies me. There will be scores of kids that would come out of these insitutions, rattled and scarred for the rest of their lives.

Democracy and us

2009-03-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

Democracy is not a perfect system of governance. Like any other, it has its crack points that are vulnerable to malicious intent. A country cannot be successfully governed solely on the strengths of democratic institutions. The model of checks and balances is the best template to ensure a functioning society. The essential human nature is to cheat and everything in our history and literature points out that without accountability, sooner or later, everyone is susceptible to the bestial aspects of their personalities. Which is why, in a functioning society, the judiciary, the executive and the legislature must function as equals and as robust as one another. Any system where one of these grows far stronger than the other is looking at a crisis in the crystal globe.

I sometimes think that India is a prime example of how the idea of democracy can be twisted and mauled into something as ugly as a fascist or a nazi society. We like to pride ourselves, in the good times, on our diversity and on our rich culture and heritage and our history of assimilation and tolerance. Yet, our proneness to identity politics is unparalleled in the modern world. Strife, all

around the world is identified chiefly on the basis of race or religion. In India, we have discords at every level. At a national level, we simply cannot work around petty discords with Pakistan. We have so many identities and we like to fight a 'war' to protect each one of them. When we have quenched our thirst for war on the grounds of 'religion', we turn to caste. When that is done, we turn to geographical regions. We fight over land with our neighbours and we fight with our brothers for that last piece of family souvenir.And every now and then, some brilliant politicians carves up his own share of the pie. These pieces of the pie just keep piling up. Why are we desperate to own everything we possibly can and why is it so easy for someone as vile as Varun Gandhi to utter one vitrolic statement and earn mass adulation. We pride ourselves on our culture and our compassion and our love for the fellow, yet we forget that words themselves have no meaning, if actions are so contradictory. I sometimes think, we, Indians just don't see that we are the biggest hypocrites in the world.

Mahatma Gandhi: Father of the Nation

2009-01-26T03:01:00.000-08:00

Watched Gandhi today and was once again reminded of the great strength and integrity that Mahatma Gandhi brought to India. It never has ceased to amaze me that a man was able to take what-was-then an abstract sounding, utterly idealistic and ivory-towerish, approach to the question of winning an independence.

What is amazing about the movie is that it has been able to show us what many in India have failed to see in retrospective. Most of us see Gandhiji in two lights:

1) Those that are of slightly naive temperance and see Gandhiji as the purveyor of truth and non-violence who won us freedom

2) The cynical view that Gandhiji somehow delayed the Independence or that Independence was inevitable, given Britains tattered state at the end of World War II and Gandhiji gets undue credit.

I refuse to recognize the demented section that thinks that there was good reason for Nathuram Godse to do what he did. Except if that 'good reason' happens to be ignorance and his own intellectual shortcomings that is.

Gandhiji did not see Independence as India's ultimate goal. He saw it as an important landmark on the quest of the nation to its real freedom, from poverty, tyranny, evil, and feebleness of heart, spirit and mind. And it is for that that we must remember him.

'Taal' the Bollywood movie

2009-01-26T02:57:00.000-08:00

I watched Taal the other day and it struck me as more than another regular Bollywood entertainment picture. 'Taal' is the story of a young girl from the hills of Himachal Pradesh, who is extremely gifted in music and pursues her passion along with her father in the hinterlands of India. A boy, an heir to one of the richest business families of the country comes to the hamlet to spend a few days of vacation and the two promptly fall in love. So far so cliche. Except for the ingenuous music and the truly genuine acting from Aishwarya Rai that is.

Now, you would think that at this point, totally honoring the time tested traditions of Bollywood cinemas, two things could happen -

A) The boy turns out to be not so honest after all, takes her virginity, gets her pregnant and scoots off, leaving her high and dry, to face ostracization from her 'appalled villagers'.

B) The boy IS honest, however his parents turn out to be against his marriage to some wannabe social climber. Things happen, misunderstandings arise, deliberate falsehood is perpetrated by evil relatives and the like and the twain shall never meet, atleast till the end, where a la Ram Teri Ganga Maili, she has been de-virginised and hence no longer 'worth his love' or all is good and they live happily ever after.

Well the second option does happen sort of. The difference, as I said earlier, is in the acting and in the extremely well etched characterisation of

1) Akshay Khanna who plays the serene, confident and almost Gandhian chief protaganist.

2) Amrish Puri, who plays Akshay Khanna's father, the rich industrialist, who refuses to accede to his sons infatuation when he believes it to be so, and with minimal histrionics later amends his ways.

The story goes over these things pretty fast and to its credit. There is an exquisite scene where, having been insulted, by the family of the boy, the father of the girl explodes in anger and an altercation happens, resulting in the girl and her beau breaking up over ego and honor.

Anyways, The boy learns the full story and is consumed with guilt and remorse. The girl is in no mood to relent and finds ambition to subsume her pain. What follows are scenes where you witness the quiet and restrained determination of the boy to win back the girl and along the way you have the privilege of witnessing a fine acting by Aishwarya Rai who portrays the girl who is torn over her affection for her lover and her pride.

Here comes a new character, that although portrayed brilliantly by an over the top Anil Kapoor, was not that well conceived. Anil Kapoor plays a record producer who identifies the talent of our heroine and signs her on as a protegee. A cut throat businessman, he is scared by the overtures of the former boyfriend and also finds himself falling in love with the lady in question.

He asks her to marry and what happens next is something you could guess after a crash course in Bollywood 101.

So what do I like about it?

The music is in a league of its own and sets up the movie.

The acting is, for the most part, competent, even brilliant.

The story is very very strong.

What I didn't like?

Predictably for Hindi movie, it goes over-the-top sometimes. Some of the dialogues are downright corny. Anil Kapoor's assistant, ostensibly playing a comic relief and is anything but. The cliche that the other relatives of the boy are portrayed to be. The stupid insanely fawning media and public is highly unreal.

Horrid Dreams

2008-12-12T00:32:00.000-08:00

Have been having these really scary dreams off late. These are scary not because something terrible happens or ghosts fly around. These are scary because I feel scared. Nothing happens in these dreams.All of these start with me having done something before the dream starts and then trying to deal with what follows. Almost all of these are ones in which I am doing nothing but thinking (yes, dreams where I am doing nothing but thinking!)

1) I am a non-vegetarian now because I just ate chicken. It feels like reality has a new meaning now and that nothing will stay the same anymore. I feel mortified at what I have done and the scariest thing is that I cannot turn it back. Something argues that its a one off incident that wouldn't repeat but somehow my conscience doesn't believe that. It feels like I just sold my soul away.
2) I have killed an unknown person whose face I cannot see and whose name I do not know. I am not concerned about the man/woman I killed. I am terrified because I have to run now. I start running, telling myself in the beginning that no one will ever find out. Then somebody asks me a question - I never remember what, and I have a sinking feeling that everybody knows. I look back and there is a vague mustached police officer staring at me, asking me to stop. I start running again, arms flaying, desperate, and certain that I will be caught. These last moments of running, seem particularly extended. I am sweating profusely and the chest feels heavy from the running. Panic is swelling inside me and I cannot take this any more. This is when I awake.

Both these dreams end with me waking up with a start, sweating profusely. It takes a minute or two to convince myself that this was a dream and nothing ever happened. I feel grateful like I have never felt grateful in any other circumstance.

The second dream is recurrent. It comes and goes every now and then and started some years back.

The kingdoms of the fanciful and the actual

2008-10-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

"I suspect that what keeps us harmless from them is not, as many seem to believe, the maintenance of a strict frontier between the kingdoms of the fanciful and the actual, but the contrary; the permitting of a benign annexation of the latter by the former, so that our daily motions always cast a secondary other worldly shadow and, at those moments when we feel inclined to turn from the more plausible and hurtful meaning of things, we soothingly find ourselves attached to it. It's the incompleteness of reverie that brings trouble." If your head is not sufficiently in the clouds, you would have a clear enough view of where you stand and where you wish to be, and you can then get eager to find a way across.

- An excerpt from Netherland, Joseph O' Neill.

About Conversations

2008-10-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

One thing I have discovered about people, and I am only talking about people who can think on their own two feet, is that during a discussion, we tend to be so sure of ourselves that we are not really listening (or rather, considering) what the other guy has to say! It is almost as if, if you concede a point during the discussion, you lose the battle! The innocuous conversation turns into a debate and everybody is fighting for personal glory.

Why is it so hard to have a normal discussion where smart intellectual individuals can trade thoughts and ideas and try and come to common ground? Why are we always trying to enforce our ideas on others so desperately?

I sometimes wonder what exactly constitutes effective communication. Are you communicating effectively if you have the ability to convert your thought process into words that can be understood, or does it also include an requirement that you be able to make others see the merit of your point? Regardless, Isn't this latter thing more important than the former.

I went to dinner today with a couple of friends and had a discussion about a pretty benign topic - International business and India's competitiveness. You would think, Engineers talking business and competitiveness is hardly fodder for squabble, but that is exactly what it concluded with. I turn on the tv and switch to the news channels and I never see any evidence to the contrary. So it cannot just be the case with me and the people I know. It most definitely is more pervasive than that!

We do it at various levels too. Some people give up a conversation the moment it reaches an inflexion point with, "Hey! Who cares anyway, huh!". There are some others who take it as a personal affront if someone dissented. Some people would take the conversation, quite skillfully, into a different track to avoid a tricky question/flaw.

It makes me feel slightly idiotic because I don't recall a single involved/informed conversation I have ever had where we reached somewhere at the end of it. It may come off as haughty, but I think my awareness of this phenomenon is requisite evidence at least to that I am interested in a convergence.

Related articles by Zemanta

Nothing really

2008-09-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is a trial blog that I am writing. The main intention is to test the new Firefox addon: Zemanta. Its supposedly a blogging tool and promises to make blogging more convenient, fun and your blog more beautiful.
Let's see how this one goes.

By the way, started using Google Chrome, the browser. It has its strengths is all I will say at this point. Firefox still rules because of the amazing add-ons which currently do not have support on the former browser. Chrome is still way better than Internet Explorer though. I particularly like the additional space and the text and image rendering. Something makes me surf more and more when I am using Chrome.

Its been a good, relaxed week for me professionally. There wasn't much activity on the work front and things sort of fell into place on the personal front. I needed a week like this. I am glad.

2008-05-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

We hated history when we were in school. We raged against the purveyors of our education who deigned it fit to teach something so prosaic as history! And how we hated the doses of Shakespeare that they forced us to gulp! 'For the love of all that is dear', we said, 'what good will that ever do?'. History is well, history and shakespearean english is never ever used.
Now I am old and I am wise. I am all of 24! And I have this to say- I love history! I love Shakespeare!. Mark I make not visionaries of the powers-that-be. Men of infinite scope and wisdom they are anything but. Because if that be, who would rote the syllabi? They would have had us do plays on Shakespeare, they would walk us through the wonders that is history, through Harry Potter and through tours and trips through archaelogical sites. If that were, we would learn from teachers who felt firsthand, the wonders of history and not bozos, who napped in classes and not androids who recited the pages of those nasty books.
Oh perfidy! Oh rage!

Reality Bites

2008-04-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

I recently took a vacation to Goa with some friends. It was meant to be a trip to rejuvenate our IT-wearied souls, hoping for deliverables that would include philosophical insights, better understanding of our aspirations, future goals and clearer picture of where we wanted to be, who we wanted to become, what we wanted to do. Now I am quite sure you are rolling your eyes, I don’t blame you. But I am not trying to establish a credential as a bona-fide avant-garde. Quite contrarily, I am seeking to bring to the fore, the attempts, that we, the Indian middle class with aspirations towering Mount Everest, make, to prove ourselves as ones. The emphasis is on the word ‘prove’, because, that, is all our actions seem to be geared towards.

It’s a common sight across the lengths and breadths of India, and indeed the world now; that of a group of Indian tourists, garish clothes, sunglasses and cameras in tow, at heritage sites or places of scenic beauty, attempting various poses, all obsessed in the pursuit of that perfect vacation picture. It’s almost as if, the moment, the time and the place have only so much beauty as can be captured in a frame and that missing that perfect frame would be nothing short of a cataclysmic disaster. You can indeed distinguish all classes of people busy in such pursuits. The totally unconscious ones don’t mind stuffing their fingers into the pockets of their denim trousers and grin sheepishly, with the Taj Mahal or the lighthouse or some other artifact gazing amusedly from the background. The more self-conscious are the ones, who make the most effort to appear as nonchalant as they possibly can, while the picture is captured. You don’t have to get to that state, in your bliss, if you find it, that is. All you need to do is, pretend to have found such a bliss and make sure that its captured in photos, even if takes hundreds of ‘em to find the perfect one. Ultimately, it all goes to orkut or to picasa or to flickr or facebook or another social networking website.

Go through most of the albums of your friends, on any of these websites and you are bound to find one or the other such photo. Usually it comes tagged with an equally tacky (and clichéd to death) caption. I am not saying that I am above such tendencies. I think the only difference I see is that, I am aware of the deception and it makes me feel ashamed. It brings to my mind thoughts I had banished post the binge-drinking college years. Thoughts that the world around me, including me, has gotten so fake, it accepts fake as normal.

P.S. I am,aware, of the limitations of my language. I hope in years to get better.

Goa

2008-03-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

When it was first mentioned to me, I did not intend to go to Goa. It looked quite unlikely, for one because I had plans of going home to Giridih and second, with CFA test coming up in less than 3 months, I had a lot of preparations to do. Plus, life of late had been so hectic and monotonous; I think I was becoming a drone, trapped in that vicious cycle of work and home, the idea of Goa wasn’t as delectable as it should have been. But as with all good things, this was too hard to resist and succumb I did.

I wouldn’t call this trip an unqualified success. Recent events had led to a clampdown on revelry and Goa no longer is paradise for pub crawling insomniacs like it used to be some time ago. There were 14 of us, all guys, never good for a vacation anywhere and this was Goa! There’s a limit to admiring the curves and the butts of someone else’s girl and at some point you do want to look at someone without having to steal furtive glances.

Regardless of all of the above, I had good time and that’s all I care to remember. I have been to less better places, for a shorter period of time and have had lesser fun than this, but I remember those places, mostly as pleasant times spent. While you could attribute that to the approach I take to life in general, I think it’s also because, as long as you do something, it has to be something, not pictures of pretending to do something, you would always have the memories and sometimes even the memories have the power to relax you, soothe you and put you in a better state of mind.

The highlight of the trip, without second thoughts, was the boat trip into the deep from Sinquerim beach. The azure skies and the green clear sea, the sea gulls and the dolphins, the black stoned Aguada Fort and the white lighthouse atop the hill. And the manganese freighters that loomed far into the distance, and the derelict iron ore vessel, trapped since four years in the earth below. Oh and the Fort Aguada prison that still houses close to 200 inmates. I was literally and figuratively in another place for that one hour. I am an avid reader and have always felt the emancipation the infinite sea gives a sailor, as a sensation through the author’s words. But here I was, for one glorious hour, experiencing this sensation of being actually alive, tasting life on the sail. The sensations would have been more acute, and therefore more pleasurable, if I had been all alone on the deck of a small boat, steering the baby but I will settle for the small delight gladly for now. Anyways, seeing dolphins swimming alongside the boat, sighting the amazing lighthouse atop the hill, imagining turbulent nights when the shining lighthouse might have saved countless lives, are all experiences I can only recount in words. The euphoria, the exaltation, the high, Aah love you life.

Encores rarely are as pleasurable as the first whiff of sweet aroma. I know. I had an exception on Anjana, a rock beach aloof and away from the maddening crowd. The beach this time, was bereft of all foreign nationals thanks to the unfortunate death of a 15 year British girl, but when was a great place great because of the crowd that throngs it? The only sound that of the waves crashing against the rocks, the only light diffusing from the moon, stars and reflected off the surface of the water; serenity is what I experienced last time I was there, serenity is what I experienced when I was there this time.

Oh and I did the usual things too. Only, it does not feel right to describe them in the same vein as the above and in the same space as above. Special things have to give way to the extraordinary ones.

P.S. I am in love with words, have always been. In case someone’s wondering, or worse, smirking.

Prelude to Goa

2008-03-27T01:44:00.001-07:00

I got back from Goa the day before. A monster log on that is in the offing. Watch this space.

Theatre in the, well, toilet

2008-03-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is no toilet humor. Quite for real actually. The auteurs accept that the play grew out of the idea rather than the other way around. Nevertheless, I like the notion of taking theater out of, well theater and putting it on real locations. Even if for a gimmick, it actually tells you that someone is thinking outside the box and the chances of the play being actually substantive are fairly even. That being, it definitely deserves a chance. Theater which is suffering even more with the advent of technology that does allow you to take the movies to the toilet, needs bright ideas such as this.
I actually did not intend to write so much in preface, and had planned to merely put a link here to this great article(the title of the post is the link) that appeared on nytimes.com covering the staging of this play. Quite humorous. The last line takes the cake....well ;-)

Blatantly Ck**ing Cockroaches of India

2008-03-06T03:07:00.000-08:00

The 'welcome' being showered on the Indian cricket team is now well past what could simply be described as overdone. Its garish, cheap and grotesque. The way the BCCI officials and media is falling all over itself, is mind numbing. Mr. Sharad Pawar seems to have found in BCCI and in the success of Indian team, the political lifeline in his desperate struggle for political relevance.
That Star news has been hounding the team like moths, from the airport in Sydney to the grounds at Kotla,was only expected. They have run through an entire decade's worth of inspirational/patriotic playlist and show no signs of taking a break anytime soon.
Strangely no other tv news channel offer any respite. Not NDTV nor CNN-IBN either. Where are the sane people to go?

hah!

2008-03-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

This is coming in quick succession to the previous update, very unlike me, I know. Call it an excess of inspirations I will. I was in a semi-sleeping state and overheard a conversation between two people I share this apartment with, about me. My roomie of more than a year said that in the last one and a half year, he had never known me to have been in a bad temper and the other guy, seemed to agree. How do I so consistently manage to create impressions that seem so fantastic to me? Reality never ceases to amaze and I am inclined to give more credence to the theory that says that 'reality' is a personal phenomenon distinctively present in every individual.

Michael Clayton: the movie

2008-03-01T06:25:00.000-08:00

Michael Clayton:

There will be spoilers, I warn ya. Its hard for me to review a movie without talking about the climax. I know.. I am not there yet is all I can say. I still need an ending that fits the peices together or atleast strikes a high note or is completely low key. Either ways, its got to be at the extremes.

A corporate thriller in the lines of The Insider and The Firm, except that the protaganist doesn't start out as a do-gooder or even someone who has a change of heart when he witnesses some grotesque evil being perpetrated, somewhere around half time, and sets out to fix the world. In this story, the protagonist is a fixer who cleans up after people so they don't have to worry about the mistakes they made any more. He grapples with his sense of morality and the innocence of his son tortures him, he cringes as he talks about what he does and in the words of his boss, seems to "have gone soft". Yet he doesn't betray more than mere pangs of guilt when at the end of the story, he confronts the perpetrator. He seems to be more indignant for having been attacked than anything else. A stupid desperate act by a corporate lawyer, who out of fear of exposure, tries to get him killed in a car explosion.
What is good about the movie are the performances. George Clooney as Michael Clayton is restrained and I thought his portrayal of Michael Clayton is one that achieves more by just focussing on his sometimes bland, sometimes guilt laden, sometimes lost face. Yet he never goes over the top especially near the end where the temptation must have been so high even I caught myself expecting to see some serious dramatic histrionics. It doesn't come and you are actually relieved. When its all over, he gets into a cab and asks the cabbie to drive around. The camera focusses exclusively on his face, that goes from anxiety and a desperate plea for redemption to a subtle sense of having set atleast one foot on that path.
Tilda Swinton, who did win the oscar for supporting actress for playing the chief counsel of the corporation, thoroughly deserves the accolades. Most of her scenes are those where she prepares for a presentation or an interview or actually gives them. You see two different people. In the confines of her bedroom or the rest room, you see a nerve wracked middle aged woman who cannot get her act straight and seems to be unravelling. In the boardrooms or in the middle of the presentation she is a complete android, spouting numbers and defending the corporation and its policies.
Another thing struck me about the movie. It was the way Arthur, the senior partner at the law firm in the middle of the brouhaha, who also was representing uNorth, the corporation in a class action lawsuit and threatening to go renegade, is killed. You see what the expression "professional killer" really means and you are amazed to see procedures being followed by a couple of gloves and skull cap weilding executioners who ensure that no tell tale evidence remains behind.
I need to understand symbolisms more though, for I didn't understand the vision of three stallions that ultimately saves Michael's life.

Something happened to me this while ago.

2008-02-18T01:56:00.000-08:00

I just stood up and looked around me at office. There are approximately 20 people around me, they all stare into their dual monitors, 1984esque look in their eyes. Not one soul speaking to another, not one soul looking this way or that. There is no sound but that of typing on the keyboard. I continue looking at people around me and nobody looks up, nobody gets up, no ones looks anywhere but their screens. Those damned screens.
I have been here for about a year and a half now. I don't know why this suddenly appears so eerie to me.

Anatomy of a decision

2007-12-25T08:09:00.000-08:00

"There's no such thing as a decision. There never was. There's whether you've had a good day or a bad day, there's going forward because there's nothing behind and running because if you stand still any longer you'll fall over. There's movement or there's stagnation, there's the past that drives you," haunts you and plagues you.

An excerpt from, The Night Manager, by John Le Carre. Affected me for some reason..

Taare zameen par

2007-12-22T03:05:00.000-08:00

You sneer at people who obsessively follow the lives of their favorite movie stars and worship their movies, defend their acting prowess-es and all but worship them. There are those that do actually worship their matinee idols but I am talking about the majority of people around us and not the lunatic ones. The thing I realized while I was watching Taare Zameen Par was that I almost felt the same, in that I was almost wishing that the movie be good and great and a fitting one coming from the stable of Aamir Khan, whose body of work is so easily admirable. It was almost tempting to ignore (read be blinded to) some of the obvious tacky scenes and to brush aside thoughts like, 'Gosh this is so overdone' or ' You have made your point now get on with the story' or ' not another song supported transition pleaseee' as nitpicking.
Having said that, I think this movie is a treat to watch. I have always admired attention to detail, in movies and in novels and it is for that one reason that I have come out of a lot of movies that didnt do anything for me yet with their sheer effort to putting in all the right details, won me over. For one, TZP does an incredibly stunning job at painting the world that its young protagonist, Ishaan Avasthi, lives in. Its educational in its splendour, in its fantasy and imagination. It would be hard to not connect with the life that he leads for any of us. Ishaan hardly gets to say anything, but boy oh boy, that face and the many emotions that flit through it! They are a treat to watch. Aamir does not even play the most important character in the movie. He is in fact hardly there. You come out of the theater wowing about the young kid, about the animation that are really well produced, and the myriad tiny details that are strewn, carelessly you would almost think, in so many frames.
It does a splendid job in educating us about the learning disability called dyslexia as well. That is where the movie at times gets repetitive and preachy. I think, based on my experience in other movies and real life experience as well, that nobody wants to listen to a sermon. It is generally way more effective when you are gently introduced to the truth or the realization, by visual images or a tale. That's how children are taught the basic fundamentals of humanity and civility and that is still the best mode of education for adults too.

**** SPOILER AHEAD****

I have heard people complain that the ending of the movie is fatal. That, introducing a competition at the end which the boy predictably wins, was self-defeating and intended to make people feel better. Escape, in other words, at the cost of integrity. I am not saying that the above comments are baseless but I am not sure those who say this are right too. Truly, I cannot make up my mind. It seems like it is fair to show that the boy, an average student and a below average sportsman is a great artist, and to tell people to believe that every person comes with this unique individual special talent. People, especially kids do not always discover a talent, and it could perhaps have been better, integrity wise, to have merely demonstrated that dyslexic kids are just as normal, mentally, as your average kids. But then again, where's the cinematic flourish in that ? And a tame ending like I suggested may have destroyed the movie, relegating it to 'meaningful child cinema' category that few watch and does nothing to the world we live in. This ending may perhaps make sure that young parents discuss the movie and introspect and ponder over the film's central message.

Politics....

2007-12-15T21:28:00.000-08:00

I was watching this television show yesterday night, about the elections in Gujrat and the phenomenon that is Narendra Modi. I couldn't help thinking the unenviable position any conscientious man in that part of the country would find himself in, faced with a choice between the devil himself and the lascivious vulture that seeks to feed off the devil's caracass.
With all the talk about Gujrat taking long strides on the economic front and being a safe and secure place for women and children, I wondered if it was fair to credit all of it to the administration of the state. I was also reminded of the history lesson that I had learnt many years ago about the decade before the World War II started in Germany. I remembered it because like Gujrat now, Germany also made great progress in the years leading upto the war, under the leadership of Adolph Hitler. What struck me was the number of parallels that could be drawn between what happened then and what is happening now and yet we do not seem to learn any lessons! Germany made great progress on the economic front in those years. It grew out of the quagmire of the repressive Treaty of Versailles and went on to become a prosperous and wealthy nation which made myriad scientific and technological breakthroughs. They came close to developing the nuclear bomb too! Yet all of this was happening in perfect synchrony with the worst form and scale of genocide that human history has ever known.

The Germans must have been aware of what their Government was doing, yet for so many years there was nada a difference in the majority opinion and the Nazi party won elections after elections. It all seems to be repeating itself in the western most state of India now.

The question is, in an underdeveloped country like India where millions go to bed hungry how relevant are moral and ethical issues to people ? We are a land of great disparity in incomes and often it is said that those of us who make the most ballyhoo about the sordid events that unfolded in Gujrat in 2002 are the ones who do not have to worry about where the next meal is going to come from. The argument is that this man of messianic proportions has cared about that aspect of life and has worked tirelessly to economically uplift millions of people. I do not care about the veracity of these claims or the extent of credit that Mr. Modi deserves for the economic progress and well being that these people claim to be experiencing, I am fretting about the cost at which it is accomplished and if that cost, that moral cost is justified. Is it fair to expect people fighting for their daily meals to ponder over moral and ethical issues ?

But can you experience true growth without coming to terms with your past ? Without giving state redemption to so many who lost so much. Can you forget a whole section of the society and its pains because it is not your pain or it is not a pain being experienced by the social section which you associate your identity with ? Where does the buck stop ? today its perhaps, the religion that you identify with most, tomorrow it will be your cast, the day after, it might be language and the specific incarnate you plead allegiance to...
I read this book that Amartya Sen wrote about identity and the role it plays in shaping the world around us and it struck me as a revelation.

Dilemma

2007-08-03T05:20:00.001-07:00

Is it impossible to judge yourself objectively while still retaining a sense of pride ? Sometimes when I evaluate my actions and question my motives, I ask myself if I am being fair and objective. It feels like I am only wallowing about the morass that is creeping into my life.
I have always demanded perfection from most people I know and in a younger life, was always disappointed when people failed to measure up. Until I awakened to the fact that I could raise the bar only so far I could reach.
I have gone from believing I was always right to, the heights of self-critique to, what I would atleast like to believe, objective and cool analysis. Yet, it occurs to me, no matter how hard I try, I can never really be completely unemotional, never quite shut some of the ideosyncratic elements out.
Am I moving from objectivism to existentialism or just using big words ?
Is it an acceptance of surrender and an attempt to cling on to whatever holds or is it an attainment of a higher self ?
Those are questions, I am still unable to answer.

Love

2007-07-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

-Pablo Neruda

The Delusion of Resolutions

2007-06-25T10:06:00.001-07:00

It is a really hard job, aint it, keeping your resolutions? I am not talking about the corny pop resolutions that everybody makes on new year's eve.
I am talking about the oath which the conscientious among us take somewhere down the road to strive to be better persons.
I cannot believe that I am not one in a crowd that voices this sentiment. Most of us think of ourselves as essentially good people yet very few of us are perceived as such by others.Sometimes we come to this realisation and try to live up to the perfection that we seek in those around us till we are disappointed enough to lower the bar progressively.Essentially , align ourselves with the prevalent.
I might be able to brag about some moments in my life when I have done what was the very right thing to do and looked like a hard decision to make but really wasnt.Havent been many hard decisions that I have ever taken in favour of the tougher but right and honest road.It costs too much and I convince myself that it aint important enough .That actually ,paradoxically makes it even more important because in a feeble attempt to downplay the importance I only highlight my desperation to put the issue firmly and securely under the deepest of carpets.

Heights of Sycophancy

2007-06-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

Sycophants or mentally-challenged ?

Oh Celina!

2007-04-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

Wise move Celina! I never gave you credit for shrewdness.

Brief Encounter

2007-04-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

I recently watched the movie 'Brief Encounter'. Its a tale of two adulterous middle aged people who almost engaged in an extra-marital relationship, could never consummate it, and eventualy ended it because their moral compunctions became too hard to bear.
Set in a different, more modern time, the movie would probably have had them atleast have a torrid sexual affair and go back to their own lives eventually, a la "Little Children" which released recently and starred Kate Winslet. But it didn't happen and that is exactly what makes this movie so alluring. You can actually see the deep tumult that the protaganists feel inside in their eyes. They succumb to the overpowering sensation on more than one occasion but fortuitous (or not) accidents never let them take "the" step in the doomed-from-the-start relationship.

The best and the most tantalising part is at the start, which we really understand at the end when, having decided to part ways, the miserable couple sit in the refreshment room of a railway station counting the minutes before their trains come chugging in. This is when a talkative acquaintance ruins their last moments together chattering "nineteen to the dozen", completely oblivious to the couple's inner misery.

This scene seen from different angles at the start and at the end of the flick made me come back again and again to the movie and is the most important part of what makes this movie so completely compelling. Its a must watch for fans of noir movies. Definitely not for people with little patience though.

A conversation

2007-04-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

6:17 PM me: I am just getting more and more responsible about my money...initially i didnt care how i spent it.

Monojit: good

me: slow and sad process of getting worldly wise and mature

6:18 PM Monojit: nice

Monojit: but why sad... woh samajhme nahin aayaa

me: who wants to be serious mature kind...i always thought i would lead a reckless carefree life

6:19 PM Monojit: it's an irony...

u c u wanna lead a reckless life... then who stops i

6:20 PM and if u thing u'd be more matured... then carefree reckless life isn't good... that uu must have realized somehow

me: The good sense.

Monojit: so in either case u must be happy

me: No...good sense is driven by a fear...the desire for a reckless life was driven by a confident spirit

6:21 PM and the good sense prevailed

Monojit: well... then i shud say u shud always go by ur spirit

me: that is exactly why i said that its sad

Monojit: fear never leads u to life... but only to pessimism

me: because i didnt

6:22 PM Monojit: but why???

I cant see what stopped u?

6:23 PM me: responsibilities...basically you can do anything if you are free...i am not..

Monojit: there must be some thing within u that said it's not good to live a reckless life... and that's too a part of ur spirit.. or is it something outside of u?

me: If i crash it does not affect only me in teh physical sense..

6:24 PM the devil favoured the reckless, the angel favoured the good sense. both are a part of me.

Monojit: see a responsibility is a "responsibility" bcos u think it is ... not that it's always so... or will be always so

6:25 PM then can't u unite the devil and the angel in u?

merging them into a wholesome Vijit :)

me: I agree...if i can do that...then its a happy Vijit :)

6:26 PM Monojit: and i think nobody stops or can stop vijit from being a happy vijit :D

unless vijit himself conspires againts him :(

6:27 PM me: which he usually does...the self-destructive vijit that you very well know

Monojit: hmmm sad :(

6:28 PM but i guess that's just a transient phase

and he'll come out of it with the lil wisdom that he's acquiring slowly

6:29 PM me: yeah I am pretty sure abt tht too..

with people like you to clear my head sometimes when its needed....

Monojit: but then i really don't see why u say that the vijit i know is self destrcutive!

he he he.

me: hehe....I think you do.

6:30 PM Monojit: but i don't see... really... i mean he's just a normal, energetic, emotional, enthusiastic and charming being!!

6:31 PM me: oh wow!

ok lets talk about the project.....dont you know that I could have done so much more on it but didnt.

6:32 PM Monojit: well.. let's first then see what u cud have done...

6:33 PM may be a complete system... with better accuracy

a nicer journal paper..

blah..blah blah..

but then we must also see what u have done... rather than what u cud have done

6:34 PM I don't wanna enumerate... we know it well

me: yeah but i didnt do the best that i know i could have..and

Monojit: there's no limit to what u cud do

6:35 PM me: you know when you think about things you have done ...until you believe you gave your best...you would never be proud of your work...

Monojit: and neither do i beleive in objective evaluation... in the sense that what's ur final output

to me what's most important is one shud enjoy every bit of the work during the work... not after it...

6:36 PM me: well ...when you put it that way.....it makes sense :)

one shud enjoy every bit of the work during the work... not after it...

6:37 PM that makes a whole lot sense suddenly...

Monojit: in fact u cant enjoy a work after it's over

riping fruits is a bad concept ,... u shud enjoy sowing, ploughing and harvesting ... everything

6:38 PM then u will see riping is just another inconsequential part of the game

sorry ... riping ... reapling

reaping

me: hmm

6:39 PM Monojit: so that way... if u enjoyed ur stay at kgp... ur work... whatever little or big... then u have lived it

no point regreting abt anything

in fact no point being nostalgic too

6:40 PM me: yeah..

6:41 PM but if you dont look back how do you improve ?

Monojit: well good question...and i have 2 answers

6:42 PM 1. well look back... only to do some impartial and unattached evaluation... but just try to stop regreting or exalting

bcos that way u just get unconditionally happy or sad

6:43 PM learning from mistakes is important

but succumbing to them isnt

so u can be very happy and still u know look at ur so called negative or bad past

6:44 PM know --> can

6:45 PM i mean it's something like ... "well what i did was good... i learnt this... now it's gonna better"

me: So the mantra is : look back but devoid of any emotions whatsoever

Monojit: yeah ... in fact emotions are nice too

if u can use them for ur enjoyment

6:46 PM when u know... i get very sad... say nostalgic over something

or sad for loosing somebody or something

6:47 PM then I just say to myself .. "wow... how wonderful the world is ... and my mind is... bcos it's having so nice feelings... wow... i am sad... a beautiful feeling it is that gave rise to so many paintings, poems and songs!"

and try to enjoy the sadness...

6:48 PM unfortunately as soon as u say so... sadness starts disappearing :(

me: dichotomy

6:49 PM Monojit: haan... and u know sometimes... i want to feel sad

but i cannot!!

I enjoy all the emotions except for anger

6:50 PM me: I think i have wanted to be perfect...and when i realized i couldnt be...i havent been able to recover from that...

6:51 PM Monojit: hmm... that's the perennial problem u know

my parents keep on thinking... one day i'll do something great

same expectations i listen from many ppl... comments like

"itna pa.dha hai... abhi paisaa kamaa... naam kamaa and so on"

6:52 PM I just try to explain to all of them u know...if u really want me to reap the benefits of whatever talent i have and effort i gave

6:53 PM then just have faith on me... let me live life my own way... define everything for me afresh

6:54 PM doesn't matter whether i really achieve some good award or a lot of money... as long as i m living the way i want,... i'll consider my self the most successful and the happiest

btw what's ur notion of perfection?

6:55 PM me: yeah...I know about that...so many people have a single dimensional view of the world and never

Monojit: so many nahin... almost everybody

6:56 PM me: yeah

my idea of perfection:

6:59 PM is basically everything you told me not to expect for too much...

it was tied to perfect sowing perfect harvesting and reaping.

7:00 PM and a sense of satisfaction in it... i figured i would never be happy doing something if i couldnt do it the best way it could possibly be done.

Monojit: yes... but what's this perfect sowing..perfect harvesting ...?

me: and i couldnt do so many things perfectly.

Monojit: how do u measure it

7:01 PM i think u have already answered ... satisfaction... there u r

me: perfect: the best way it can possibly be done given the set of circumstances and variables.

Monojit: yaar... life is a multi-objective optimization problem

there is no single optimal point

7:02 PM u have a huge... possibly infinite number of Pareto-optimal solutions

now we as helpless human being (if u think so) have two choices...

me: yeah i get your point....i think what i want is optimal point for all variables and optimal end result as well...which is foolish really isnt it ?

7:03 PM Monojit: set a list of priorities (i.e. weight to the objectives) and map it to a single-objective function

then u have a single optimal solution which u can strive for

7:04 PM unfortunately... most of the people do not know how to set their priorities

and that's teh root of all the problems

7:05 PM it is indeed foolish to try for optimizing everything... simply bcos time is the biggest constraint... as is ur health

7:06 PM the second option is to be satisfied with any of the solutions which is Pareto-optimal

this second option is really good one (that's actually of saints or yogis).... but

here u need to be sure that later on u never try to set priorities while evaluating ur past or present...

7:07 PM else u will find urself in middle of nowhere

the first option is what we all can try for... just try to understand ur priorities.... and stick to them

7:08 PM me: hmm...yeah..if we understand what it is that we really really want and pursue that....thats the best chance we have for happiness...

Monojit: yup

7:09 PM another way may be just to be happy with anything (that's the second option)... hard rt?

but believe me... it's really really possible

7:11 PM so anyway... coming to hard realities...do u know what you want from ur Rs.2500 on ur b'day? :)

me: yeah.

I am getting me a pair of light glasses.

Monojit: ok... which brand?

7:12 PM me: the frame: any the glasses: Carl Zeiss

Monojit: ok ... wrist watch nahin?

7:13 PM i have to go out... actually ek treat hai...

7:14 PM me: nahin wrist watch is more a luxury...glasses are going to be better

Monojit: ok... nice

me: there is the devil and the angel here as well..but they combine and the decision I like

Monojit: great!!

Monojit: par jaane se pahele... ek secret bataataa hoon... what i really feel abt u ;)

7:16 PM me: ok....

Monojit: I think both the devil and the angel in u are like two kids...always fighting with each other on trivial things

yeh mujhe de... nahin mujhe... kinda

7:17 PM but as they grow up... both of them realize that they arent really devil or the angel

me: yeah I think a part of me will always be childish...but seriously i think ki on things that matter I am as grown up as any person...

Monojit: just both are the same vijit

7:18 PM :P

kaisa lagaa?

me: you used the right word: they fight over trivial issues...

i think there is some truth in it...

but not altogether.

Monojit: haan... yaar ... har bachcha samajhtaa hai ki voh baraa hai ;)

7:19 PM else why wud they fight with elders!!

me: hehe....but there's a difference...yeh bacha jaanta hai ki yeh bacha hai

kuch cheezon mein...

7:20 PM Monojit: hmmm... to phir to bachcha sach me hi bada hai :)

me: but the bada insaan is also there....and it does prevail sometimes...though the child does not like that very much...

7:21 PM Monojit: quite naturally ... else dichotomy kahaan se hoti

me: yeah :)

Monojit: but u know u now have a nice play to enjoy

7:22 PM every time u r in a dilemma or u r sad

just see how the bada and the chhota are fighting with each other

me: I think I would like to put this entire conversation on my blog...minus the personal parts of it ofcourse

hehe that would be interesting....

Monojit: observe as a neutral audience...

sure... i have no probs...

Evolution and Religion

2007-03-05T03:56:00.000-08:00

This is a great article (Click on the title). It appeared on the Nytimes.com.

Some Quotes -

If your emotions are involved, then that’s the time when you’re most likely to believe whatever the religion tells you to believe,

Parzania

2007-02-09T01:14:00.000-08:00

Finally back from a 12 day break, I was the very definition of blues on the 5th this month. Then I went to see Parzania at PVR. Now you may cry 'dumb' but movies, if good, always uplift my mood regardless of the theme or the setting.

The first emotion was disappointment though. A movie on a topic like Gujrat Riots can have only so much impact if made in English. Maybe the Director thought (and rightly so) that his movie will never be allowed to see the big screen if filmed in a language that the masses (and its so called guardians) understood. Such as it is, it is not being screened in Gujrat, the setting of the tale.

What I like about the movie, is that it put the blame of the events that unfolded squarely on the shoulders that deserved it. Too often we have seen stories that raise issues, but blame nobody in general and in doing so, render their impact impotent.
Indian Society is transforming today at a rate that is unprecedented, probably in the history of the world. The economic reality of the country is changing and economic transformation is bound to have its social ramifications.
Frustration, could be one of them as not all of India is benefitting. It is that other India that usually becomes pliant meat for vested interests. Which is exactly what this movie has succeeded in showing.

All along, we have been fed theories that the riots were an expression of one community's wrath against the other for its perceived slights. The movie rightly challenges the theory by wondering how a raging, boiling mob could execute so many attacks and with such precision and clinical efficiency. History will remember the riots as State Sponsored Genocide.

Regardless of how it started though, its hard to understand the mindless violence. The arson, the plunders, the cold-blooded murders of men, the rape of women and girls of all ages.The merciless lynching of young boys and girls alike. Where did all that hatred come from ? What sort of situations could make monsters of the people belonging to one of the richest states in India ?

Its time we stopped mindlessly trumpeting ourselves as the greatest civilization on earth (something which probably every civilization, every society does) and introspect and probe our hearts. If we are capable of doing what we did in Gujrat and suffer no moral pangs, what right do we have to criticize those that did the same to us not more than 60 years ago ?

Ripped!

2006-12-21T03:25:00.000-08:00

Alas, 'tis true I have gone here and there
And made myself a motley to the view,
Gored mine own thoughts, sold cheap what is most dear,
Made old offences of affections new;
Most true it is that I have look'd on truth
Askance and strangely: but, by all above,
These blenches gave my heart another youth,
And worse essays proved thee my best of love.
Now all is done, have what shall have no end:
Mine appetite I never more will grind
On newer proof, to try an older friend,
A god in love, to whom I am confined.
Then give me welcome, next my heaven the best,
Even to thy pure and most most loving breast.

'Don' - The movie

2006-11-21T23:26:00.000-08:00

Recently watched the new version of the 70's movie 'Don'. Watched the remake before the original. In fact, I watched it twice and then caught the original playing on the tube. Have to say that I liked the Farhan Akhtar version more in the second viewing.
Keep hearing from people that Shahrukh Khan as Don is no match to the characterisation by Amitabh Bachhan in the classic potboiler. Agreed. Except that I think that the previous version was all about Amitabh Bachan as the street buffoon, while this one is more about the intrigue of the story, the several parallely running angles. In fact, I think this movie works inspite of the lead actor.
The attention to detail, the pizzaz with which the scenes have been shot is all exquisite and exhilarating. Am I using too many adjectives ? Perhaps. Deservedly though.

One thing caught my eye, that I haven't seen any one talk about. When Don enters the vault, there is a painting hanging on the wall. If you keep tabs on recent events, you would recognize tha this painting recently made news for having been stolen from the museum where it had been hanging for more than a century. Its called 'The Scream' and is one of the most famous creations of Edvard Munch.

TorPor

2006-11-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

Another week ends. Routine has now begun to set in and me thinks that me needs to find some new avenues,real quick and fast. Otherwise me might find meself in a morass of
dissatisfaction and torpor. Me doesn't like the idea of that. Me needs to get into action. And now! The trouble with me, however is that I make all these commitments and promises to the self but rarely honor them, an act highly unbecoming of me. The self recongnizes that but chooses to ignore. The self is guilty accomplice.

"Start small", I tell me. Me listens, agrees and promptly forgets. Me understands everything but me is afraid of acting decisively. Me fears there might be no coming back.

My new phone.

2006-10-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

Just to bring you to speed,

Bought myself a new phone. Sony Ericsson W810i.
Awesome gizmo.

Random thoughts

2006-10-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

So many things in the world are wrong, it sometimes seems wasteful to protest against any one. When you first see something that really upsets you, you are furious, next time it is even more infuriating. Then it gets perplexing until the point when you reconcile to the fact that things will remain the way they are and that nothing will ever change. That’s when the sets in.

Its been a while since the last time I wrote something and I am suddenly terrified that I will lose whatever gains I had been able to make in the last four years, both through research and self critique. I want to be able to write better. And I want to be able to more better find substance in the things around me, to be able to articulate all the sensations that I feel will be bliss. It will be an accomplishment to rival any.

Now there is this big decision that I have to take now and this has been quite a while coming. I have got to get my self a new cell phone and I am unable to decide what my budget should be, how much is just too much to spend on a phone and just how less is the stingy bordering on imprudence. Seems like 7-8 k is a good amount to spend on one but what do you get at that price anyway? I think that would just get me something from both the worlds, without delivering the goods of either.

I am leaving for home in less than 10 days now and the excitement is slowly building up. Both excitement and nervousness.There is a lot of things I have to get done at home. Things might be a tad different too this time around with all the brouhaha about me having got a job and living the good(READ WEALTHY) life.

I am almost tempted to buy a car, Seems like just what the doctor ordered. But what with my future ambitions and the rest of the icings I would like on the cake, I think it is not too logical a thing to pursue. It feels bad to crush the temptation though. My guess is, it always is.

There are some pent up feelings I have to resolve. Need to grow up about my feelings now. The amateurish childish self centered bouts of madness that I sometimes have lead me no particular where and in the end, I am dissatisfied and dour.

Lethargy of a slightly different form, I am afraid, is again setting in. Its different from what I have chronicled on so many occasions earlier, in the sense that it has not completely paralyzed me. Nevertheless, it still has managed to slow down my pace.

I decided some time back that I am going to appear at CFA and that decision now has to be backed by solid preparation and effort. I think I am pretty surfeited with my desires to go out, have fun the whole day on the weekends and so, starting this one, I should be concentrating more on the lateral interests that I want to pursue, keeping in mind the long term objectives.

Didn’t think I would last one whole page but here I am, Reinforcing the notion that its only difficult to start something. Thereafter things only get easier.

This brings to my mind another pet project of mine. I had decided some time back to start a side project that I can be putting efforts into in the weekends or whenever I have time. I have to start planning about that.

I think, in order to perform securities analysis, for investment purposes, I should start accumulating data and process them. I think I will need to look into various machine learning algorithms and other standard mathematical tools and hypothesis to help me but it should be worthwhile. Ofcourse, it entails a lot of other things as well, for instance, I would be in better stead if I start with reading about standard analytical tools and practices. Though the central idea still being, evolving my own strategies. This could help me in more ways than just the obvious one and the more I think about it, the more exciting it seems.

There is an idea in my mind about getting involved with some kind of relief organizations in my spare time. I would like to get involved in something that can help in changing the world we live in for the better. I know, it sounds like I have one too many aspirations and only so much time without sacrificing my personal space and sanity but then, what’s a man without dreams ?

They say, they keep harping in fact, about the stellar potential that India has started to show in the recent years, rising from the moribund economy of much of the first 50 years, we are suddenly exploding with growth and opportunities and possibilities, stymied although by the resistance offered by our ruling polity which has largely refused to wake up to the new realities and opportunities and therein lies the serpent which I fear, has the potential to undo all the good that got inadvertently done and not just do that but even probably manage to set us back many many years. I am talking about the incredibly pathetic state of Indian politics and bureaucracy today. I am talking about the unbelievably opportunistic leaders that we have elected to the Parliament and the stupendous short sightedness and heights of corruption that we enable them to brazenly, unapologetically exhibit. And not to forget the pathetic pathetic media especially the television media, which has such an opportunity, such a brilliant chance to touch millions of lives, waken millions from their slumber, shake myths.

I am getting into the adjectives. I should avoid the adjectives. Strangely, even though I profusely use them, I still cant seem to exude the kind of passion and fire that I feel from the words. Makes me think, I perhaps need stronger lines and not stronger words.

Team work does it baby. Individualism always doesn’t pay.

I think I should sign off now. Time to go home hit the sack or follow up on my current paperback, Single and Single by John Le Carre.

Adios.

This, I guess is about it.

This should go into the biography.

The best lyrics ever ? Probably..

2006-07-27T22:44:00.001-07:00

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land

The best lyrics ever ? Probably..

2006-07-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

In the city of the Nizaam

2006-07-17T04:39:00.000-07:00

Its been little more than two weeks in this incredible city and I am finally settling in. There is so much to write about, so much to exclaim at, both about the city and about the job..I will hold my comments about my job profile right now(i dont have one as yet!) but the city......what can i say...take my breath away.

The two weeks in the hotel really spoilt me. The services and the A/C the comfortable beds and the WiFi..so much so that a fantastic flat seems a huge comedown.
This city has elements of a big city and that of a small sleepy town. the swank and shining malls and the glitzy showrooms, the smooth as a glass road make claim to a metro status. But its the people..the people have a solid town mentality and are warm and laidback and helpful. And though there is a huge problem talking to the poor man on the streets because of langauage issues, most of the middle class people seem to understand Hindi/English albeit with an often difficult to disambiguate accent.

In many ways, i feel like a boy from a village. Not in ways we see in the movies but there are moments.

More to come later.

Random thoughts on religion.

2006-06-28T09:38:00.001-07:00

You can do anything in the name of religion.

Religion is the kingdom where irrationality reigns supreme

It blocks off all sounds of reason

Religion stonewalls every change.

Logic - Saviour or Devil's instrument.

Falsification :

I think one of the examples of the above is the attribution of all scientific principles to Devil, claiming them as his devices to convince man against God.

Since existence of a Satan can never be ascertained, there is no way the claims can be verified and have to be taken at blind faith and closes door to all logic and arguments as even logic,then, is the devil's instrument.

Random thoughts on religion.

2006-06-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

You can do anything in the name of religion.

Religion is the kingdom where irrationality reigns supreme

It blocks off all sounds of reason

Religion stonewalls every change.

Logic - Saviour or Devil's instrument.

Falsification :

I think one of the examples of the above is the attribution of all scientific principles to Devil, claiming them as his devices to convince man against God.

Food for thought : Greed

2006-06-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

Greed is right.

Greed works.

Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

Greed, in all of its forms -- greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge -- has marked the upward surge of mankind.

Pasted from <http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/moviespeechwallstreet.html>

The above, lines are part of a speech that was a dialogue of Micheael Douglas in that awesome movie Wall Street.

I want to run, I want to hide

2006-06-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

There are days and there are other days,

Some days are just them

Days,

In the morbid flow of thoughts

You look for respite

A fresh lease of air,

A whiff of something new

Sparkle, inspiration Shine bright,

There are times when you find them aplenty

And there are times when you don’t find any.

Sinking,

Sometimes I am plunging fast

Into the unseen, the unheard,

They call but you don’t hear

Can't

They plead but you are deaf

They pull, but you don’t feel the strings

Its too late when the sunrays finally catch up.

Oh! How treacherous the mind is,

It can make you see reason

It can turn you blind even when you see

Naked eyes with, the reality

Oh how treacherous the heart is,

It leads you where

Nothing but destruction lays.

Hail Futball !

2006-06-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

this was one match I could not risk not write about and forget the first full realisation. Of the fact that I am now quite in love with the game of football.

The second round match between Spain and France. I supported Spain in the game, have watched all three of their first round games and they were splendid. I did not know much about the team they were playing with at the start of the world cup but the games, particularly the first game against Ukraine, were fantastic and I loved all the subsequent games they played which they did with lots of panache and style.

Going into this game, France by contrast, were the most ordinary. They had a lacklustre first two games and I was indeed rooting for Korea to qualify along with switzerland.But like most of the teams I have rooted for in "almost equal odds" games, Koreans lost. (Netherlands against Portugal, Aussies against Azurris). Most of the first half, looked like Spanish armada would steamroll the French but the spectacular dash and goal by Ribery initiated a french wave that would turn the game on its head.

Now I am not much of a game expert, haven't watched that many football games to understand the finer points ..or even grasp them, but I did understand the commentators explanation of the off siding strategy that the Spanish deployed to counter Thierry Henry and the counter-initiative the French took to use a midfielder. And it worked !! Ribery produced a sensational move to take the ball from "" and dodging two defenders and the goalkeeper smashed the ball into the white net. The second goal was the classic Vierea …a header punched into the mouth of the post. It won France the game and in the dying moments of the game, a splendid run by Zizou sealed the Spanish fate. The French were clever in their gameplan. They let the spaniard have the ball possession for most of the game (61 % to 39 %) but made their moves, played an inspirational game and in the end, came out with a thumping victory which will certainly send fans into rapturous highs and give the ageing team great confidence ahead of the suicide mission against Brazil.

Adios KGP

2006-05-19T04:30:00.000-07:00

I am leaving IIT Kharagpur today and my next post will be from a new location. There has been enough of mush all around as is, and so I am not going to 'pour out the aching of my heart' here.

But its been a good four years here. I am glad I made the friends I made.
"Regrets I have had a few but again too few to mention " as Frank Sinatra sang. Its time to go ahead create a new directory in life and I hope I do well.

I don't know everything that lies ahead, but I just hope that I will be able to preserve the friendship I have built here.

German rape accused convicted for 7 yrs- The Times of India

2006-04-12T04:05:00.000-07:00

German rape accused convicted for 7 yrs- The Times of India: "ALWAR: In one of the quickest trials ever, a fast track court in this Rajasthan city Wednesday sentenced B.H. Mohanty, son of a senior Orissa police official, to seven years' imprisonment for raping a German woman."

Last year in May, a 47-year-old German tourist was raped and robbed by two auto-rickshaw drivers in Jodhpur. The two were found guilty and given life imprisonment by a fast track court in 16 days.

Is this timely justice ?
Are are we getting anxious to put people behind bars ? I do not know the evidences of the case but given the history of criminal cases in India, I wonder if the defense was given ample oppurtunity to mount a sustainable and best possible defense ?

What I know for sure is that we all want to see justice being served. We should also want for everyone to have a chance to prove their innocence, regardless of the strength of the perceived guilt

Moral Quandry.- Where does a consistent mind go from here ?

2006-04-07T14:41:00.000-07:00

I don’t dare vote for BJP. They are a sectarian organization, have too much of private fundamentalist entrenchment in them and with them, you have to have faith that all the Hindutva talk is bravado and that they would never take a stupid action.

But they did not in the previous regime under Atal Bihari Vajpayee and it supposedly backfired as they lost the next elections. The current leadership has repeatedly stated its intentions of going back to what they know best : championing the majority.

I cannot vote in BJP because I would not have the blood of so many inncoents on my hand, should another Godhra happen.

I do not want to vote the Congress in any more. They have abandoned us to political interests. They are reintroducing casteism in India. They have narrow shortsighted political agenda and national long term interests and ethics and integrity seems like a foreign word to the mandarins of this 125 year political party.I cannot vote in a party that does that.

So what am I left with ? Scurrying away as soon as possible seems a good option.

Unless I am willing to do a Yuva or a Rang De Basanti and fight the injustice.

It is a nasty fight and I am an engineer. That is not the world I have desired.

Violence and my aversion to it.

2006-03-25T22:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really hate myself because I don't fight. I have never physically fought any one other than my brother when we were kids. Even when I am at the height of my temper,even when I have lost my control. Something prevents me from lashing out.
Its not fear. I am not afraid, I am certain.
I think i can see even when i am out of control that violence does not accomplish anything.
But maybe the truth is less flattering,Maybe I am deluding myself, lofting myself up because nobody else would.
Maybe what I need is the courage. And the keenness of not looking ahead.

I think sometimes you need to be violent. Violence is one of the basic elements of life. There has got to be some rationality to it too, because it does serve a purpose. I don't think you can always substitute violence for another solution.
Sometimes its not just the easy way , it also is the only way.

Walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.

2006-03-25T06:01:00.000-08:00

Heat

Robert De Niro is awesome.
Al Pacino is fabulous
Val Kilmer is Goooood.
The music is ethereal.
The Bank robbery and the subsequent street shoot out is fucking exhilarating.
The lights at the airport towards the end are blinding.
The diner encounter bween al and niro is revealing and adds dimension.
the final encounter is worthy.

The 21st century Crusades.

2006-03-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

With reference to what i read here :

India has a huge problem in its hands, a problem of a kind that has no precedence in history and therefore means that it is upto us to find our way out of it.

There is a rise of Hindu nationalism and while it is something we should worry about, in a country where the religion has 800 million followers, that is not entirely unexpected.

The problem is how do you reconcile with the history. Do you accept the ugly parts of it or do you try to make amends for what was done centuries ago. What I am talking about is the recent publication of a book that claims that the Muslim invaders in the earlier half of the millenium and the first 8 centuries of this milieu were responsible for destruction of 2000 temples which were then converted to Mosques.

It follows with a detailed list of currently standing mosques that were arguably erected in place of these temples, often using the same material to construct the temple.

In fact one such report in the earlier 90's can be held responsible for provoking the destruction of the Babri Masjid and the resulting widespread riots that plunged the whole country into chaos.

The question is this : how do you resolve the situation if a section of vociferous Hindus demand their site back. My question is not what should be done to achieve an amicable solution to the problem. Most of the problems in the world that have been hitherto solved have been also influenced by ground realities, political realities and other considerations. My question is purely on ethical and morality grounds.

My question is this : Is the correct thing to do is to forget the excesses of the past and let status quo be ? Or should the excesses of the past, however long ago be rectified because justice should be served.

I agree that the first question can only be answered by the entire Hindu community and that is a very tricky answer to ascertain. Infact even to suggest an attempt to get that approval is implausible and fraught with more risks.

But is even the second solution correct ? Arent they the only two ways forward. ?

I think that the muslim community throughout the world IS at a turnpike. I think that the Hindus because of the inclusivist nature of their faith have never had any real experience with clashes of civilization. The christians have extensive history with that and so do the muslims. The western world has largely relegated its problems with the other faiths to backburner thanks to its economic progress. The islamic countries of the world have, on the other hand failed to do so for the same reasons, I believe.

There are ills in all civilizations, there are inherent faults in all religion and in fact in all culture that refuses to grow with the changing realities and environment. Nothing has ever survived that has refused to adapt to changes. Most people are threatened by change but there are always brave ones that go ahead and embrace it and show the world the way forward.

Perhaps that is all Islam needs now. It needs a way forward. It needs to accept change, it needs to recognize the merits of thinking and daring to go against what they have been taught and what they read.

It hurts when someone blasphemises what is most sacred to you. I do not question the sanctity of the holy book but I also think that with the passage of time all credo demands revision and this should not be constituted as rejection of God or a Satanic or shaitani act.

testing frontiers

2006-03-16T08:41:00.000-08:00

There are no principles that have unshakeable ethical philosophical and moral foundations. Every principle, scientific or otherwise is subject to conditions and circumstances.

the rhythm that beats

2006-01-27T22:27:00.000-08:00

Almost a month now and it seems that life has finally settled back into its old familiar rhythm yet again. Whoever said that old habits die hard must really have known the world and the ordinary man.
Spent a week at home.Well more than a week actually. The first time in many years, I was not bored and comatose within a day of getting back. Probably because Dad went away to visit his sister at Indore and the elder son that I am, it fell on me to manage the family business in his absence. That did not leave me with enough time to get bored. Was a farely busy week and Me and Ma did just fine. I had many squabbles with ma (Yeah i still do!) but then, without them the both of us would have been bored stiff.
A cousin got engaged to a family friend mean while and I got used to calling her "Bhabhi"
. Her cringing notwithstanding(she still prefers to be called by her first name only).
I know this is boring but I can offer two excuses. One is that I do not believe anyone would ever read this and the other is that I havent written for close to 3 weeks now and will take time before I start faring marginally better again.
Did not have the nerve to call her up yet again for the first two days I was back and was then told that she had gone away to visit some relative out of town. Another lost chance. This not existing relationship seems to be a never ending stories of almosts and lost chances. Have started to think that its maybe time to give it a decent burial.
Moving on,
My exercising regimen has amazingly flowed into its third month now.Never thought I would manage to pull this off for quite so long. Well there is no going back now. It's found its comfortable slot on my day and I quite frankly, look forward to it. Hopefully there will be results. I also probably would need to up the ante soon. Not looking forward to that.

I must say I was satisfied with one thing i did today and another I resolved to do. what I did was not hold my anger back and yet not let it get out of my control. What I resolved to do was be more careful with what i say and to abide by "better not said than said".

There aint much xciting to write at the moment. May have some thoughts to offload once I am finished with my current book, The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. Seems like a fine book though he preaches a bit more than suits my taste, same as he did in The Alchemist.
Adios

end of the blissful days

2006-01-10T00:08:00.000-08:00

Been a week since I landed the job at D.E.Shaw and co. Boy it seems like quite a few years have passed since. havent anything in particular to say at the moment because right now there isn't pretty much happening right now. The past weekend was a long tv/movie fest and it was fun!!

Watched a slew of movies.
Among them :
In the heat of the night -- starring Sidney Poitier
French Kiss -- Meg Ryan
Dawson's Creek(1st season) - Katie Holmes
Anatomy of a Murder - James Stewart.
Malcolm in the middle (6th season) -- the entire family

obviously the names I mentioned are the reasons I watched what i watched and needless to say, none of it was a disappointing experience.

I should get to more serious stuff i reckon but I think my non existing reader base would agree that at the moment the best option for me appears to be to write whatever comes to mind and maybe some day I will hit paydirt.
sayonara!

2006!!!

2006-01-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

its 2006!!!!

Things that will(should?) happen this year :

Will turn 22 in April .
Will obtain the degree of Computer Science Engineer.
Will move out of Kharagpur.
Will start earning
Will lose one of my best friends to marriage.
Will have a plan.

If some of the above sounds cryptic or vague, its intended to. Mainly because I am not really in a position where I can elaborate on them with confidence.

Some of the things about the past year I would never forget :

the horrendous last 11 days of it.
Varun aced JEE and got into IIT Kharagpur(That's my kid brother)
the 8.72 i hit in the seventh semester.YEY!
The summer internship in Mumbai - the buses, the rush, the work and above all the awesome city that is Mumbai.
The fiasco with AB. (again, the scars are way too fresh for me to dare explain...)

What's in a name ? Everything it seems..

2005-12-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

The name of Vijit gives you a very idealistic nature.

Your desire for peace and harmony causes you to withdraw

from situations where there is friction and acrimony.

You are quite reserved and inclined to feel sensitive

and self-conscious, even though you strive to appear

poised and confident. Being rather secretive in many

ways, and not liking people to pry into your affairs

restrict opportunities for friendship; not until you

feel you can trust others do you open up to them. The

desire to help others and the generous side of your

nature attract those who take advantage of you.

Although the name Vijit creates idealism and the urge to

help others, we emphasize that it limits self-expression

and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition. This

name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate

happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause

health weaknesses in the nervous system, heart, lungs

and bronchial area

source : http://www.kabalarians.com/index.cfm

My comment ? : Spot on.
This site has successfully invaded one of the few bastions of confidence I had in ideology. That astrology and everything related and all the paranormal experiences are delusions and sham and nothing supernatural really exists.
The belief aint really shattered but how do I make sense of the fact that the above explanation comes closer than anyone has ever come to describing me.

2005-12-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

I have been reminiscing about my days at IIT these days and this picture reminds me of one of those days that I would like to remember and have a good laugh about.
Not that there is any scarcity about those moments in my life these past 4 years but this is among those that I would like to remember.
This pic was taken at the end of my third year at the Hall Day of my hostel, the Nehru Hall of Residence.

I say.

2005-12-23T02:51:00.000-08:00

There is too much of a specific activity that is going on right now (mentioned in one of the last few posts on this blog but Its a taboo now.)Keeping with the traditions of the civilized world I have decided that it be in the future recalled as "it that cannot be named",that is, until I conquer it.

In case you are wondering what the heck is wrong with this guy or if I am a raving lunatic, Let me shake the clouds away and clear the crystal ball for you. For what I intend to convey is very serious and a very telling commentary on people as I know them, and society as I have experienced it.

The "tradition of the civilized world" goes first. What tradition, you might be wondering if the craziness of the last paragraph managed to hold you back. We are essentially escapists. We have tremendous ego and we do not like to think that the erring might be on our side as opposite to the contrary.And we also tend to warp the ugly details of our past progressively as the days go by until the moment when you look back and what you see is only a semblance of what happened and suits your idea of your martyrdom or victim status perfectly. We go in a state of denial.
Well I need to be honest again at this point. I am not very sure if the whole post would ultimately drive to some idea or some philosophy. At the moment there are some thoughts in my mind and I am pouring down the cement as it comes out the furnaces. Whether it will amount to something concrete and shaped remains to be seen.

There is a need to be rooted in reality. There is however another need. To never have to accept something. I think that you can accomplish many things, regardless of how out of reach they may seem if you put everything you have to it and even try to go beyond that. The need is to believe in that.
Both the needs seem to contradict themselves and I have no idea how to resolve them. All I know is that there is a tradeoff and an optimal solution to the problem exists and everyone needs to find his/her own.

In case you have no idea still of what I am talking about, trust me you are blessed. In more ways than you probably think.

Reviewing the latest sensation.

2005-12-21T01:28:00.000-08:00

Abhishek Bachhan has had a phenomenal year. After a string of disappointing movies or bad performances at the box office, he struck gold this year.And what a motherlode of booty he's struck. I am not much of a Bollywood fan but this year there was no escaping him.He was quite literally everywhere!!
Bunty and Bubbly is a movie that did not cut much ice with me apart from the terrific scores and the chemistry that the lead pair shared. There were some stellar moments, thats all. I thought all the scams were unoriginal and predictable and the ending was well,timid. (The mandatory sentimentality that the directors always fall victim to, in full force here). The movie was essentially a comedy which is mainly what spoiled the fun. It could have also been a comedy with a definitive edge of danger or an out and out thriller. The former, if directed well, would have blown everyone away (it did blow most of us away anyway).
Sarkar was stellar.Amitabh Bachhan played the role with a fitting understatement. He did not go over the top, which is really to his credit, because too many actors in our country have fallen to that temptation. And I mean quite good and celebrated actors. As for Abhishek Bachhan, i think THIS was the turnaround movie for him. The role started out similar to Michael Corleone at the start but panned out in a completely different and equally interesting direction.
Kay Kay Menon was fantastic and as Mohata says, So was Rasheed (mainly for the stoic expression and elan with which the character deals with the powers that be in the city of Mumbai through the entirety of the movie).
The last movie I wish to mention here is Bluffmaster. And it was Good. Priyanka Chopra is getting hotter by the days ! The one thing that i thought stuck out was the focus on Abhishek and this is where I sense that this could be even the start of a degeneration. Until now he has excelled at understated roles or characterisations but this was the first movie where at times the focus seemed more on the actor than on the storyline. Nevertheless it was a fun movie and though the ending was anticipated, it was deliciously enjoyable anyway. Some of the dialogues were uproariously funny and it was 2 hours well spent.
The rap video is fantabulous.

the JOB brouhaha

2005-12-19T02:02:00.000-08:00

The carnival of placement (I am a final year undergradute of computer engineering at IIT Kharagpur)commences tomorrow. The coming couple of weeks are going to be unnerving and very active and passionate. Many equations would change, many relationships redefined. So many lives changed. So many lives will be thrust in new directions. there will be a lot of happiness and whether we like it or not, some disappointments.
The important thing is to remember that we are still the same and that all of us have aspirations and fears and dreams. All of us came here to make something of our lives. Some of us do not see placements as the final outcome of the past 4/5 years spent at IIT but most others do. At this point most of us I think would be delighted at any job we can land up that pays up well but I think we have some interests and passions and consequently a certain hierarchy of preferences. I hope as many people are happy with their jobs as possible.

Not Yet. I am not going nowhere

2005-12-04T15:31:00.000-08:00

I had a close brush with fate today. I almost tipped over the railing on the second floor of the building I live in. I was going to tip over so there was a good chance, I could have broken my neck. Man! it was hair rising. the funny thing is that the whole thing happened in less than 5 seconds. Blink and you would not know how it nearly happened.
I was wrestling (okay, more like jostling) with my friends, Sumeet and Khatri when to avoid a move, i pushed back, hands outstretched expecting the railing instinctively. The f*** railing was not there. It broke into two a couple of months back. I was unsteady and began to keel over but somehow my hands found the lower part of the parapet and I held on for dear life.
If you had seen the face of those two. The three of us were scared shit. They, probably more than I was because it looked closer than I thought I was.

Later when I told another friend, this is what he had to say,
"shit! another chance to take away your ram and hdd lost"

Am I morbid ?

2005-12-02T05:09:00.000-08:00

The things that always make me wonder whether my decisions are sane and correct have a way of coming back to haunt me whenever the authenticity of those issues are put at peril by outside forces events and occurances.
This is strange and sometimes make me have morbid fears not all of which I appreciate, I must confess. But lets say, for appearances sake, that I am able to cover for them pretty effectively. There are some things that force me to rethink my strategies but there never really have been intellectual arguments, at least I haven't had the chance to confront, that have forced me to compromise on my ideologies.
What are my idealogies ? That nothing is a writing on the wall, that things are subject to the forces around and the greatest truth of all is that Everything is temporal. All relationships, all feelings , all emotions all material possessions are ephemeral and must succumb to the cycles of life and death as every thing that we know has life, must.

Poem lyrics of The Day Is Done by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

2005-12-02T04:55:00.000-08:00

The day is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight .
I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness came over me
That my soul cannot resist:
A feeling of sadness and longing.
that is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain.
....................

Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.
And the night shall be filled with music
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

The title and the poet is mentioned in the title of this post...
The last paragraph is exquisitely crafted literary sense I think. But more so than anything, it evokes a feeling in me.
Its beautiful.

different strokes

2005-11-27T08:26:00.000-08:00

I ran 2.2 km today. (Thats the length of the circular road that is concentric to most of the structures in IIT Kharagpur campus).
gave me a rush. I hate to admit but I did stop once, when the end was less than 300m away.
the thing that kills me about it the most is that had my legs obeyed my brain, i wouldn't have stopped. I know you might be sniggering but my stopping was an intransitive muscular action. The brain was not included in the deliberation and the decision making.
Anyways I stopped for 5 sec, or rather I walked for 5 sec and ran again till the end.

I have my Project evaluation on the 1st december. its giving me nightmares. There is some work to be done. hopefully that would be over by tomorrow. I hope I don't get tongue tied in the presentation. that has never ever happened in my life but I am always afraid that that is a bomb which has been waiting to explode for a long time.

Called up home this morning. Some man answered in a gruff voice. I, for once, thought I had the wrong number but that does not usually happen with my mobile so I gave him my name. Turned out it was my "fufa" , my dad's sister's husband. He told me he was Vijay fufa. had no idea which one of five he was (I think i have mentioned this somewhere, I am very bad with the names of people i have actually met. Its a strange thing because I never forget the names of people I read about). Anyways I pretended to know exactly who he was . to not do so would be very rude. I don't think I succeeded in doing that convincingly though. He then handed the phone to my aunt.
Couldn't tell from her voice either. (yeah yeah I know!). Niceties were exchanged albeit awkwardly. I need to get better at doing that. But I cannot help cringing when I ask the usual things I am not sure I care about, express the usual sentiments that aren't really felt. MAybe thats why I am pretty good at conversations with strangers and always hide for cover when some relative of family acquaintance is lurking around. Mom calls me a social recluse and her social nightmare.

Think I am ready for running .Will post again tomorrow if i do.
The seventh semester meanwhile, is over.One more to go and I am out of here.

perspective

2005-11-21T10:11:00.000-08:00

Its remarkable how you can stumble upon a revelation. Its always there, staring you in the eyes but you don't see it because you are not trained to respond to that stimuli. Sometimes I think that the maxim that "I was born intelligent but education ruined me" IS more true than we ever give it credit for.
It usually takes an accident for you to take note.
Anyone who has read the whole stuff that I have written here probably knows that I am a lost soul trying to find my proper place under the sun. My confusion has lead me to the darkest of places.
I am also wont to be consumed by what they have to say about me. I used to think that I was being open to criticism. I thought that that would help me be a better person.
Now I think , rather I know that it is futile to try to change ourselves based on self-evaluation . I don't mean to imply you cannot. Ofcourse you can. I only think that one should never evaluate oneself, wary of making mistakes. We should let ourselves HIT upon the revelation that we are mistaken which happens when we are emotionally ready for that. It does not catch us offguard subconsciously and we deal better.
opening yourself to criticism can destroy you. It can make you possessed with your fallacies to the point that you stop seeing anything about you as being any good.

but all of this is beside the point. What i wanted to say here was if you are too bothered about what others have to say about you, you should tell yourself that " life is what I make of it."
You only have to tell yourself that you would not care, that you can do whatever you want to do.
the road ahead is already clearer.

the snow walker : An attempt at a full fledged movie review

2005-11-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

The snow walker is one of those movies that are as much a documentry into the life of the people that are portrayed as an inspirational uplifting feel good movie. If I were to outline in two lines the gist of the movie I would probably succeed in merely passing it off as just another run-of -the-mill Hollywood flick that succeeds in evoking a few sighs from your heart and makes you believe in the indefatigability of the human race once more. But this movie goes much beyond that.

Barry Pepper one of the two central characters in this largely two characters driven plot is an arrogant brash bush pilot who goes out on a job flight into the deep of the majestic and awe inspiring arctic tundra. There he meets an Inuit family that convinces him to airlift their daughter to a hospital in the nearest major town in return for a set of fabulous and very expensive Walrus tusks.

On the way back with the Inuit girl ,he deviates from his charted flight plan and predictably the plane develops a snag and crashes. Stranded in the middle of nowhere and completely cutoff, with slight chances of getting found in the sheer expanse of the huge huge country ,the hot headed pilot despairs and fights for survival in the elements he is completely alien to , with the sick Inuit girl with whom he cannot communicate.

The adage that people are capable of extraordinary things when driven against the wall proves all too true as the Inuit girl with all her experiences of life in the arctic provides him the succour and the hope to live on and not lose hope. Together the two set off in a journey that teaches them so many things about life about love and about respect for the fellow human being. The bond that forges between them runs deeper than can be explained with the words that are coined to explain relations. They become, In a way brother and sister even though they share no blood or even race with each other.

The girl does not survive but the pilot does and makes a return to civilization, emerging a stronger and better individual for having known and survived and loved and been loved in a way only those who have experienced extraordinary circumstances together can understand.

invectus

2005-10-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be sure. Sure about what you might be wondering. Sure about any and everything.I look around and I see two kinds of people mainly, people who are not sure about what they are doing and people who are absolutely confident and unshakeable in their convictions and forging ahead with it, these people may either be blind to the counter -arguments or just plainly not aware of it.I would like to meet someone who knew exactly what he was doing, had considered all possible implications and is still undeterred and fecund in his thinking and finds no contradictions. I would like to see if what I read in Atlas Shrugged, that inherently there are no contradictions ever , we only think there is because we are not strong enough. I know about the strong part but I am not sure if there is anyone in the world who can say that about himself. I would like to know such a man and talk to him, understand what is holding me back. It is funny, when I started out writing this piece I had thought I would steer clear of whimpering and try to write some fiction instead. Looks like that is pretty difficult to do indeed. That is, for me.

2005-08-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I will now try to put more head into what i write . I think that if I am aspiring to be a good writer some day I should make more concerted efforts in that direction and should try to find out how good I can be at it .Things I can only do if I dwell on the words phrases and sentences and paragraphs before putting them into the buffer.

I think I will start with a story some day . I will start writing one and will take my time with it.Need to get a good and original one done.If I am to write a story , i would like only to take inspirations of genre and style of writing from all the reading I have ever done and I hope my writing style is distinctive and that I am not inadvertently aping the style of some other literateur.

2005-08-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

man on top

2005-08-06T01:57:00.000-07:00

more in the focus here....no need for a rejoinder but i like typing and I like "rejoinder" the word

2005-08-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

the guy on the right ..thats me .

back in da game babie

2005-08-06T01:40:00.000-07:00

so my computer is finally back in action and I am thinking , what really has changed is that I find myself lacking the desire to do everything that the past week of frustration had been building up inside me .Its anticlimactic and the amazing thing is that ,this is not a novel occurance .
It happens to all of us does'nt it ? when you want something very badly , to the extent that you dream about what it would be like if you did actually have it and when you get it , you realise that even if its exactly as you had thought it would be , it does'nt make you as happy and satisfied as you thought it would.

capitalists would probably say that is why we are alive ,to desire and to have and then desire other things.Spiritualists would probably exhort us to get out of this "karmic" cycle , to renounce desire or what we call in India "maya " and to attain a higher self of being by searching in our soul for the answers that I seek.

I do not like to call it a religious belief becasue from what I see of what everyone calls religion ,I am not too fond of it.So i shall use the term philosophy.coming back to the point, the thing I like the most about the Jainism philosophy is that there is no concept of a central force in the universe that keeps order .in other words there is no real concept of GOD .the highest state of being or "siddh" is what every individual acquires for himself.There is no universal adminstrator to appease to , to raise our souls .You do it to yourself,you cannot get that from some life form or life-governor .You get it from your own soul.You have ofcourse teachers "arihanta" that can guide you.

the bad thing is that ,like other faithfuls ,jain faithfuls also take words to the letter and to be considered a faithful you have to respect the tenets these arihantas left behind completely to letter to lead a virtuous life.

I think if we realise that every law is subject to changing conditions and that every principle is supposed to be continuously bettered with passing time and more knowledge and application of it, we are in a safe world.

2005-08-06T01:22:00.000-07:00

Trappings and all that come with it

2005-08-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

All my life I have had a fear of getting trapped.It has been the singular reason that has driven me to all the major decisions I have taken in my life.It has inspired me ,lifted me from gloom and dejection .On hindsight , I know that the first reason , the pure and unadulterated reason for my desire to get into IIT was not money ,not power nor love of the science(Engineering,regretfully I knew nothing of then).It was my desire to get out of Giridih.I was afraid if I was'nt good enough for IIT's I would be forced to spend the rest of my life in the drudgeries of this small town where I grew up.I was terrified I would never be able to get away.

There have been other things.Anyways the reason I am talking about this ,is that I am finally trapped.Trapped in something that I was desperately trying to avoid.So what do I do ?
Do i squirm and try to get away ,screaming bawling and hurting more equations on the way ? or do I resign to my luck and try to make the best of the situation regardless of how I have erstwhile seen it?
Is this what they call "having grown up "?Do I want to grow up ?Do we ever then ?

2005-07-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning feeling blue . Usually my days start with a clean slate so I decided it had to be the irritating noise coming in from the south windows. The freshies were being "initiated" to the Nehru way of living.No surprise there this time of the year.

Its pretty obvious aint it , MY attempt at covering up the real reason I have been down these past few days.So much has happened over the last month and one wonders when that proverbial point would come when you would have had enough of the passivity and get back to being really alive .
When I say alive , I mean animated , crazy frenetic chaotic fuddled up and revved up to the highest gears all tuned and lubricated.Its either that or you are dead .We might kid ourselves to our respective graves but cannot escape this truth .
All the flavours of life are in the crazy spontaneous self exalting acts .All that hogwash about sacrifice and love of the other is hogwash . No one who has not loved himself to exaltation has ever experienced that sublime state of complete and true bliss .

I think I pawn a part of my soul everyday. It feels like I am a lesser man everyday.

you have to sink into the deepest trenches before you can climb back valiantly

2005-07-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

so i finally have managed to find a new low . There was a kind of a static for some years , had me worried .YOU gotta have some action in your life man!! should have known it would be one action i would not want in the worst of my nightmares.
well !!! what can i say ? gotta find a way out of this muck .

one of these days I am going to climb out . One of these days I will have had enough of masochism .Right now , I seem to be enable to have enough of it .And ofcourse my much maligned self-obsession .

of summerinternThe thing about my summer internship here at reliance infocomm is that i think i have a reaships and the first coupla week ina new city

2005-05-13T18:07:00.001-07:00

that word we coined - belief

2005-04-01T20:33:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since my last post yet again. I doneed to write more often i think . there is always this thing going on that starts off a torrent and that deserves to be penned , for my future introspection more than anything else.

there are always going to be these questions about what begets what and what absolutely irrevocably fails . the answers are never easy. we all search for answers.
not everyone gets them . depeds on how much you want it . i dont believe in luck .
i believe in accidents and that they happen and that not everyone that deserves great things gets them , they probably dont and maybe the ratio of people who have got exactly what htey deserved is very small but the thing is that if you think you have been unlucky then you have either not tried enough or you just gave up when you faced something that seemed insurmountable .
things are insurmountable precisely for us to not let them remain so any longer. that is the reason why we get to face them , to get an oppurtunity to assail them and render them impotent .
as i said,or hope to be saying between the lines, life is what we make of it.

2005-02-25T23:47:00.000-08:00

It has been an idle extended weekend so far, the mid semester exams got over on thursday and havent really done anything other than watch the tube .thats two days of movies and prime time television .
I have watched some pretty good , some average and a couple of disgusting movies in the last two days. in America ,Spellbound ,On the waterfront, Guns of navarone and where eagles dare were among the better ones i watched . i also saw this cheapstake horror movie , i cannot recall the name of. totally bullshit , nonsense gore and hitched to disgust. only goth lovers and sadomasochists can like movies like that . yeah i remember the name now, its "Saw".

2005-02-19T07:22:00.000-08:00

johnny cash - hurt and gus weber - dont fear the reaper

well these are two songs that have kept me enthralled today .the first one ,i attribute to the intensity of emotions that cash evinces from is gut.the second is ,well,embarassed as I am, quite serenading and romantic.

It was a really good day for me today .there was this fresco on the wall of the restaurant i dined at today , it said something like ,maybe in some time ,life would be defined as "change".

I think this single statement speaks volumes. it encompasses one ofthe focal points of the unrest and dynamicity that is existing in India at this time in history and it advocates ,very lucidly,and with the employment of one single word , a very definite stand .
I am all for change too. Some people say that i will grow out of this "phase " in my life.I hope i do not. At this time I am thinking as logicallya nd rationally as I possibly can and I wil hope that nothing ever in my life causes me to lose these.

culture was supposed to be dynamic wasnt it , how can one expect a behemoth population to not stagnate and degrade in their mental and physical capacities and intellectual development , if the only creed that we live by is that which our ancestors lived by , some zillion years ago.

It fails me why people cherish the thought of a Mauryan like society in the current world. that cannot be , we are different people in a different world and we should grow , we must keep growing as a family.As far as I am concerned , any change any rabid development in our perspectives our way of thinking ,,just any change is better than a brainwashed scriptures toting civilization. that kind of a race cannot long , it will perish ,as all things must that cannot adapt to changes and change themselves.

its an ephemeral world and all things are transitory , so are we . Hoping for a kind of static , is naivity and self inflicting .

2005-02-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

well that is jesse owens on his way to victory at the athens olympics 1936 . the thing is .. in the face of so obvious a challenge he came up on tops , all aces .

2005-02-05T08:36:00.000-08:00

guess its one of those days when nothing feels just about right. it seems like something is not adding up , that somewhere along the road something very terrible happened and even more terrible is the fact that you did not realise it while it was .

2005-01-29T23:57:00.000-08:00

well seems like i am balding!!

that word we coined - Pride

2005-01-24T07:52:00.000-08:00

I just read one of the best peices of write up that i have ever seen in the
Times of India.It was a comment by Jug Suraiya on the news item that
many victims of the recent tsunami wave inflicted disaster in south asia had
refused all aid and alms , all offers for help in their duress.
he associates a plain old much maligned word , pride ,to explain the
survivors' reaction , the pride that has become an obsolete word in its
contextual meaning in our country . We , do not have pride.
thats the syndrome that a majority of us suffer from , humility is a virtue pride is
vanity , so our ancestors tell us .
well i cannot agree. it is difficult to fathom why a person should be asked
not to feel proud of what he has achieved , there is always a sense of accomplishment
when you do something you are proud of and this 'basic instinct' to love onself and to find
joy within yourself cannot be taken away by any extent of social conditioning
the easier way out for the 'second handers' as ayn Rand called such people
is to denounce the person exulting in his achievements as vain .

that is the reason you live by , that is the only thing that a man can still possess
after he has lost everything, there is no integrity in grovelling in
the dust crying for help at the first signs of duress and hardship , a man
fights for his right to exist,must fight for his right to do what he wants to
to find his peace his soul in the work that gives him exhilaration.
thats the only nirvana i can understand , a nirvana obtained, not by
pursuing some out-of-the-world deity that you have been conditioned to
believe in and feel afraid of the wrath of, but one obtained by acomplishing all that
one knows that he was born to achieve.

thats my salvation and thats my reward, i do not expect the world to do me
favours and i do not intend to do anyone a favour , true we are social
beings and we want other people in our life but everyone should have a
core that is his , one that is untouched by all in the world , one that
is his private refuge.
we need people to perform what we need to perform ,to exercise that will to
live and love , to communicate and understand and to carry on the great
legacy that the great minds of the fore , the stars of the mankind have left us.

end of saga

2005-01-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

well the spring fest ended today and so did the three days of hard worka nd responsibility . There is so much i learned about people and their reaction to situations in life.I think the most crucial thing that I needed to understand and have started to get the frayed end strings of is that when managing some event or some corporation , if you are driven byt he successof the venture alone , what you should need to remember is that instead of ensuring to keep your bases safe it is vital that you employ all the resources at your disposal and all the mental effort you can put in to ensure that all the bases are covered , no thing is left undone or half-convincingly done .

people are mostly concerned about keeping their asses off the heat.I think what i tried toa ccomplish for myself was that i managed to prove to myself that i could handle the seemingly mundane activities efficiently , to issue orders and have them obeyed and to ensure that they are executed as per my expectations. i also tried very hard to not put the blame on others , to not to think along that line, and to assume responsibility more than the position i was in warranted. that is the only way to go when your intentions go beyond the execution of your responsibilities to ensuring that the larger or rather immediate larger purpose is served.

The three days though tiring , were very rewarding and satisfying . the pleasure, the sheer pleasure of having completed a job and to know within yourself that you have done it well is something that i cannot begin to describe. This is in fact not helping in what i need help in , that is in stopping to think so much , but it is definitely making htings more clearer , more simple and straightforward and " in its entirety graspable".

spring fest 2005!!

2005-01-21T10:48:00.000-08:00

well its almnost spring now and my college ,like ever year , heralds the incoming spring with a gusty colourful and splendourous celebration that stretches 3 days . I couldnt begin to describe the fest in complete but there is my involvement and well!! this is my blog .

I am the lit team head in the spring fest so that means that the 10 events including 3 quizzes of the fest comes under my profile . it was a fun first day .
think i am going to make this out to be a journal of my spring fest experiences

for starters, we had three events today. started the day with the whats the good word competition and holy mother of god that was some pleasure !!! the event started bang on time , unprecedented , and the teamn that went on to win was my inter hall wtrw team , well after the way we makhaoed in the inter hall events , this was a relief ,though i sorely missed being part of the action.
the other event started 40 min late though much of it had to do with the promotions department's responsibilities and we were ready to shoot on the technical side,, bang on time.
Mr. Parnab Mukherjee is an old pro at this and he left his mark yet again , maintaining a credible crowd throughout the competition though the event was , well, cyberquiz.

we had the turncoat in the afternoon and boy oh boy!! with the new variations that these convenors we had hired from vgsom ,the event went rocking fine though there were some odd mutterings about the seemingly " needless variations introduced" to impair the serious art of debating . but what the heck , we are talking ofd spring fest here,not some nationals .

had a good sleep this evening , man was i tired!! slept on my desk for 1/2 hr before shifting to the more comfortable bed of mine .wow! that was some sleep!! missed out on the strings and indian ocean action but what the heck , i knew how that was going to shape for me personally anyways so have no qualms about that anyways!!

what i miss sorely though is a "guys night out " with the som guy that won the turncoat who also had his birthday today ,or rather ,yesterday.have to figure out why i chickened out,i dont think i employed the correct word here. bailed out would be more like it

2005-01-09T23:43:00.000-08:00

The most profound lesson that Atlas Shrugged taught me
was that it is criminal if i cannot stand by my own
convictions.I have a purpose in life and all my
energies should be focussed on that . In a way, there
are a very few major tenets of Ayn Rand's philosophy
that i cannot claim to hold as my own. But the bane of
my existence is that I have failed to motivate myself
to shrug off all the things that have been stopping me
from going ahead. I realise that there is no one I can
blame for any thing that happens to me. For a person
of convictions and principle , nothing can destroy
what he wants , nothing can stop him from what he
seeks .

I dont know where I am going from here what I know is
where I am going to be . Sometimes it feels as if
there is something that i am waiting for, but there is
no such thing ,is there? i am merely trying to fake
reality, to delude myself into believing that
something will snap me out of this some day and that
then everything will be fine and i shall resumne the
kind of life that i always see myself as leading.

What I actually need to do is to stop thinking about
my
"mental state" as muchas i do and start acting , just
start it ,once i have accomplished that i can go the
whole way

if there is anything to the credo that a job started is half
finished , i believe i am a living testimony to that

2004-11-28T19:59:00.000-08:00

well thanks for the maiden comment on my blogger blakewell , i will try to get hold of the book that you recommend .
dont you think that what you said is essentially the same thing that i did? that one needs to stop thinking of a physical God and celebrate the principles instead , instead of attributing those principles , that way of life we so admire deep within ourselves, to a physical entity?

is not faith better served when what you practices is refined rather than when He is recalled everytime you are in duress.Faith , as i call it, is not a faith in God,its an isolated word ridden of all attributes , it connotes only what it means.

God and Faith

2004-11-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

most of the people in the world need to believe the existence of god to give us succour to help us make some sense of why we are what we are , why things happen to us ,we need faith to sustain us through tough times.
i digress,

does god exist? do i believe that there is god , do i believe in the stories that our parents tell us with so much pride , do we believe the fantasies spun for us to believe?most importantly the question that has always plagued me , harangued my mind

i find myself on a strange holding , i desperately want to believe , but i want it to make sense and i want it all to make sense
i say god exist , not as we ae made to believe when we are kids but as, i say, god exists as our souls , god exists as that feeling inside of us that makes us do good , god exists as our conscience ,
believing this enables me to make sense of what i am doing here. why i am what i am
full stop.

2004-11-20T06:49:00.000-08:00

every now and then there comes a movie or a book that affects my mindset , if there is to be a single most important thing that i have learnt through my reading and avid movie watching is that one must keep an open mind, an open mind about everything .Prejudice i am beginning to realise is the one thing that does more harm to the society than anything else , its prejudice against everything that we have not been brought up to see , prejudice against everything that is supposedly "alien" to the culture that we have been raised in that leads to hatred.

i do not believe that the genocide that had started in gujrat in our country was the handiwork of a handful people , true , the instigators were a few power hungry despots , that kind foments the dissatisfaction , but the fact remains that we did give in to the inveiglment.
there does remain a prejudice , a distrust of the other in our society , i ascribe this to the centuries of divide,mistrust and rigid stubborn position that we adopt always with a knd of xenophobic hatred.
one thing has been completely clear to me , religion has to be divorced from politics if we are to hope for any kind of real religious harmony in our great nation.

religion is and must be , practised privately .

noble words - reference acknowledged

2004-11-15T01:05:00.000-08:00

i have along advocated a natural gradual, day by day , step by step , sequential approqach to personal development.any product that deals wiith providing "quick easy , instant and free" is not inherently based on correct principles.yet all advertisements entice us to buy on the strength of some of these words.

real character and personality development is irrevocably linked to natural laws and governing principles.when we observe these we develop the verve to break the bondage of the past , to overcome old habits, to change our paradigms and to achieve primary greatness and interpersonal effectiveness.of course , we do not live in islands isolated from people and society.
attitudes skills and strategies for creating and maintaining trustful relationships with other people. we should practise synergy in our efforts to be proactive and productive .
the breakthroughs , throughout history have been achieved by breaking away from the mould , by changing the existing paradigms and the present equations and rules of the game.
a new way of thinking that helps resolve classic dilemmasof modern living
how do we achieve and maintain a wise ans renewing balance between work and family , personal and professional ambitions , in the midst of constant crises and pressures ? how do we adher eto simplicity int he midst of terrible complexity?how do we maintain a sense of direction in today's wilderness.?
how do we remove prejudice or the tendency to prejudge ? how do we try to be not too judgemental ?

personal
interpersonal
managerial
organizational -- organizing people - to recruit them , trawin them compensate them buld teams . solve problems , create aligned structures , strategy and systems

trustworthiness - both in character and competence

- edited from stephen covey

as things go

2004-11-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

There are some travesties and then there are others . keepwondering where i am headed , i am lost , that is something i would admit , i do not know what it is that i really want
i sense that there is a big decision in the offing for sometime now andi have been putting it off but i really should not , that is not going to do i think
i have to act tough with myself that is the most necessary
i am scared of my own self , the truth is i do not trust myself
a walking contradiction , that is what i am and the shitting thing is that i am not doing the fig for it

i m in trouble man , in deep trouble . these things have to be adressed they need to be handled and taken car eof , the apocalypse in my life is near and i do not want to go down in historya s one of those who let go of it when the moment of reckoning presented itself
i am not going to be a bitter person relegated in life to a position i detest

i have to amount to something that i have respect for .

the way it is

Dreams from my soul

Working in a group of peers!

Reading 'The Ascent of Money'

Brothers In Arms

The Mad Dash

Democracy and us

Mahatma Gandhi: Father of the Nation

'Taal' the Bollywood movie

Horrid Dreams

The kingdoms of the fanciful and the actual

About Conversations

Nothing really

Reality Bites

Goa

Prelude to Goa

Theatre in the, well, toilet

Blatantly C**k****ing Cockroaches of India

hah!

Michael Clayton: the movie

Something happened to me this while ago.

Anatomy of a decision

Taare zameen par

Politics....

Dilemma

Love

The Delusion of Resolutions

Heights of Sycophancy

Oh Celina!

Brief Encounter

A conversation

Evolution and Religion

Parzania

Ripped!

'Don' - The movie

TorPor

My new phone.

Random thoughts

The best lyrics ever ? Probably..

The best lyrics ever ? Probably..

In the city of the Nizaam

Random thoughts on religion.

Random thoughts on religion.

Food for thought : Greed

I want to run, I want to hide

Hail Futball !

Adios KGP

German rape accused convicted for 7 yrs- The Times of India

Moral Quandry.- Where does a consistent mind go from here ?

Violence and my aversion to it.

Walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.

The 21st century Crusades.

testing frontiers

the rhythm that beats

end of the blissful days

2006!!!

What's in a name ? Everything it seems..

I say.

Reviewing the latest sensation.

the JOB brouhaha

Not Yet. I am not going nowhere

Am I morbid ?

Poem lyrics of The Day Is Done by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

different strokes

perspective

the snow walker : An attempt at a full fledged movie review

invectus

back in da game babie

Trappings and all that come with it

you have to sink into the deepest trenches before you can climb back valiantly

of summerinternThe thing about my summer internship here at reliance infocomm is that i think i have a reaships and the first coupla week ina new city

that word we coined - belief

that word we coined - Pride

end of saga

spring fest 2005!!

God and Faith

noble words - reference acknowledged

as things go

Blatantly Ck**ing Cockroaches of India